Five Holiday Tips for Your Grief Journey

1. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do.  Don’t feel pressured by your sense of duty to family and friends.  There are no “shoulds” or “musts” when you are on the path of your grief journey. Getting caught up in these absolutes will only make you miserable and others uncomfortable.

2.  Holidays are a rough time for anyone.  The expectations that we set for ourselves and the ones we perceive that others hold for us can be our undoing.  Practice the “KISS” philosophy—Keep it simple, sweetie.  It will save you the exhaustion and discomfort of trying to do more than you are able.

3. Do what you feel—if you can’t put up the decorations, don’t.  If you want to listen to sappy Holiday songs, do.  It’s time for self-care.  We have been programmed to think that caring for ourselves is selfish—it isn’t, it is essential to survival  and growth.  You can’t be there for others if you are not feeding your body and soul.

4. Don’t be surprised when everyone around you acts like nothing ever happened.  It is their inability to truly understand your pain that makes them act that way.  In addition they are uncomfortable with the whole concept of grief and sorrow so they will do whatever they can to ignore it, hoping it will go away.

5. The holiday season is supposed to be about love and happiness.  When you are in the midst of grief these things may seem  impossible.  If you are able, remember with love the happy times and holiday memories with your deceased loved one.  It’s ok to smile and cry at the same time.

The first Christmas after my son died I was pushed into attending a large family function held in a big public place.  I felt so out of place.  The noise and the amount of people were more than my raw emotions could take.  Needless to say, I didn’t stay long.  I recommend that you always have an escape route—what I mean by that is if you decide to go to a holiday gathering make sure that you can leave when/if it gets to feel overwhelming.

Take care of yourself and remember time moves forward minute by minute and the holidays will be over and things will return to a more even keel.  Also remember that you need to move forward step by step in your grief journey and only you know when to take those steps.

Through A Child's Eyes-2 Grief Books for Children

Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After a Loss by PatSchwiebert and Chuck DeKlylen; Illustrated byTayler Bills.  The story follows Grandy, an old, wise woman and how she copes with grief.  In the book Grandy makes a giant pot of tear soup--an analogy to the size of her grief.  The book is beautifully illustrated and that will draw in the younger family members, but the story told is more sophisticated and palatable for adults.  

I have given it to families to share with their children to help them understand death and grieving and the adults have gained much from reading it to their children. In additon, bBecause of its ease of reading it is good for someone in the early stages of grief who is having trouble concentrating and reading anything lengthy.

Saying Good-bye to Grandma, by Jane Resh Thomas.  This book tells the story of seven-year old Susie and her first experience with death, grief, and the traditional mourning process.  It is a good, straight-forward explanation for the child who is asking what's going to happen.  This is a good book to read with your child to encourage questions and start a conversation.  Throughout the book the love of the family is evident and this in itself is comforting.