Below are ten examples of things that were either said to me
or have been said to other grieving people who have shared them with me. The comments below the examples are there
just to get you thinking and start a conversation. Some of the comments may seem trite, or
tongue-in-cheek, or a little rude, but sometimes that is how a grieving person
may feel at the moment. I hope this
helps you think before you speak the next time you are in front of a grieving
person. If you are the grieving person
who is confronted by one of these statements perhaps you will reflect on the
fact that the person is reacting and not thinking and this might help to soften
the blow a bit.
I’d love to have you join in the discussion and send me
other examples that you have experienced first-hand.
1. I know just how
you feel.
No you don’t. We are
different people. Everyone grieves
differently and every relationship with the deceased loved one is unique. You can’t know how I feel, but you can ask me
how I feel.
2. You are so
strong. I could never live without my ___________.
(insert--child, spouse, partner, mother, father, etc.).
No I’m not strong. In
fact I have never felt more weak or confused.
I don’t know what else to do but move through this nightmare. I didn’t have a choice. Telling me I’m strong makes me feel more
confused.
3. God only takes the
best. He must have really needed
him/her.
I really needed him/her more. I wish he/she wasn’t the best and was still
here with me.
4. It’s been… 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years. It’s time for you to get over it and move on.
There’s a timeline?
No one told me there’s a timeline.
I don’t feel ready, so I’m not ready.
5. Don’t cry. He/She wouldn’t want you to be
sad.
Really? I don’t think
we ever had that conversation about how to act after one of us died. I think not crying would be worse. I have to be able to express my feelings and
I think he/she would be proud of me for doing that.
6. It’s time to give away his/her stuff. You can’t keep it forever.
Again with a timeline?
Why can’t I keep it forever? As
long as I am making strides forward in my life there’s nothing wrong with
keeping my memories of this person who was so important in my life.
7. You ought to…move out of your house, go on
vacation, start dating, get out more.
If my loved one hadn’t died would you be giving me this same
advice? Why do you think it’s ok now? I can’t make these kinds of decisions right
now. Give me room to breathe.
8. You should get a goldfish, kitten,
puppy. You should have another child.
I am having trouble taking care of myself right now. I can’t remember to water the plants and you
want me to take on another responsibility?
Oh, and by the way, another child isn’t a replacement. It’s not like buying a new car.
9. Can I have his/her car, clothes, sports
equipment, books, music collection…?
Um, no.
10. Everything happens for a reason.
There was no reason for this. I can’t believe this. My loss may eventually have meaning in my
life but it didn’t happen for a reason.
Death happens, just like life happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment